


F***, Marry, Kill.

by TheGirlWhoWearsBlack



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Dorks in Love, Drunk BAU, Drunken Confessions, F/M, Friendship, Multi, One Shot, Party Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27619927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlWhoWearsBlack/pseuds/TheGirlWhoWearsBlack
Summary: A game of "F***, Marry, Kill" pushes the BAU to make some decisions that ultimately reveals how they really feel about each other.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 127





	F***, Marry, Kill.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> So this one shot has been sitting in my drafts for quite some time now and I just thought, "what the hell?" and decided to share it:)  
> It's only a dumb, probably cheesy and a bit cliché, light-hearted little story.  
> I hope you enjoy it anyways <3.

“Beyoncé, Rihanna or Taylor Swift?”

“Who?” Morgan asked, scrounging his brows at the same time he leant forward to grab the bottle of cold beer standing a few centimeters away from him. “Someone please elaborate.”

“She’s a country singer, blonde, really pretty.” YN explained “She’s got like three albums out already. She’s going to be big one day, I just know it.”

“Have no clue, so imma kill her.” The man answered as if it was nothing. “I’d marry Beyoncé and sleep with Rihanna, easy peasy.”

Morgan stood up from the floor when everyone was lying lazily, he checked his friends’ bottles by lightly shaking them. When he concluded that everyone had empty containers, he got to the kitchen to grab more beers.

The evening started out as a semi-formal dinner at Prentiss’s apartment to celebrate wrapping up a case that had been open for nearly a year. It was fun, but nothing too crazy since both Rossi and Hotch were attending and not in a partying mood. Unsurprisingly, they were the first ones to leave.

With Penelope, Derek, Spencer, JJ, and YN remaining and still up for some good time, Emily brought the beers out, turned the music up and the conversation steered in a completely different direction. 

When Hotch and Rossi were around, the team felt constrained to talk about certain subjects since the two men were their superiors at work. Certainly they wouldn’t want to play  _ ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill _ ’ with their bosses.

Morgan returned to the living space with the bottles hanging between his fingers, Prentiss helped him with a few once she saw him struggle, she distributed the beers to her friends and then sat on the floor by Penelope’s side, soon followed by Morgan.

“Whose turn is it now?” JJ leant forward, placing her elbows over her knees. “Spence?”

“ _ Pass _ .” The guy jumped immediately.

“You can’t  _ pass _ , he can’t  _ pass _ .” Penelope slapped JJ’s and YN’s forearms multiple times like a little kid in the middle of a tantrum. “That’s against the rules.”

“Then let’s play something else.”

“Pretty boy here’s right.” Morgan agreed, passing his arm around Spencer’s shoulders. “This game’s too boring, I’d do it with any celebrity to be honest.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

YN glanced in Spencer’s direction and suppressed a giggle when she saw he was getting flustered over a dumb game.

“What do you suggest, then?” Emily asked Morgan. 

“Well, let’s make it interesting by using people we know, people from the office.”

No one in the team knew exactly what lead six people around their thirties to play  _ ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’ _ . Perhaps it was the alcohol, perhaps it was the tiredness, perhaps it was the need to feel human and talk about trivialities.

Perhaps all of the above.

It didn’t matter why, the point was that they were all sitting on the floor with their formal dresses, trousers and shirts, shoeless, half-drunk playing that stupid high school game as they drank beer like there’s no tomorrow.

Truth was, that the game had become a bit boring after a few rounds, Morgan’s idea to use people from work was actually really interesting. It could create some conflict, yes, but that was the point.

Everyone seemed pumped about the new route the game was going to take, except Spencer. He tensed his jaw and lowered his gaze, fixating on his lap to avoid looking at any of his teammates in the eye.

Before, Reid didn’t want to play to skip saying stuff like  _ “I’d fuck Britney Spears _ ”; it made him uncomfortable. Nonetheless, now it was not about what  _ he _ didn’t want to say, it was about what  _ they _ would say about  _ him _ . He didn’t need to play a game only to hear that none would choose him to ‘fuck’, or ‘get married’. Spencer was aware that he was not popular with the ladies, he wasn’t thrilled about hearing his teammates talk about how he isn’t attractive either. 

He knew already everyone would pick Morgan over him, he didn’t need any confirmation of it.

“I don’t know guys,” YN spoke catching the rest’s attention. “It might be awkward.”

Her brown eyes still attentive of Spencer’s moves, or lack of. She noticed the change in his behavior once Morgan suggested the new rules for the game. She believed everyone there was supposed to have a good time and if playing  _ ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’ _ was going to mess with Reid’s inner peace, then it wasn’t worth it.

“Oh come on! It’s just a little game, it doesn’t mean anything.” Morgan insisted, his hand found a bottle cap and threw it at YN, who managed to dodge it. “What does the rest think?” 

“I think it might be fun.” Prentiss admitted. “I say we play a round and if it's too weird, we can do something else.”

“Sounds fair.”

“I agree with JJ.” Penelope clapped with excitement. “I’ll go first. Come on!”

YN gave Spencer an apologetic look for not being able to talk the team out of playing. He pursed his lips and scrounged his nose in an effort to let her know that he didn’t mind. They all knew drunk BAU too well to try to fight them. 

“Alright baby girl, fuck, marry, kill: Hotch, Rossi, Anderson.”

Penelope squinted exaggerating her thinking process, sighed and parted her lips to answer: “Kill Rossi, Marry Hotch and Fuck Anderson.”

“Nice!” JJ’s eyes widened as she fed herself a cheeseball she found lying casually on the floor. That was the effect of six beers and two glasses of wine on her.

“Your turn JJ: Rossi, Reid and Emily.” Penelope spoke making her brows dance teasingly.

“Ok ok, I see you.” Morgan chanted in a high pitched voice. “We’re escalating pretty quickly, I got you.”

“Shut up.” The blonde woman threw a cheeseball at him. “Oh damn…uh, I guess I’d fuck Emily.”

“Thanks.” The black haired woman answered slurring her words, prompting the rest to laugh.

“I’d marry Rossi and kill Reid.” JJ completed with a grimace, immediately turning to her best friend’s direction. “But only because Rossi is loaded, Spence, you know I love you.”

How was it possible that JJ would prefer marrying Rossi than him? He was her best friend. He didn’t expect for her to choose him for sex, but marriage sounded like something a best friend would agree to.

Spencer hoped his poker face abilities were still on point, he didn’t want anyone to notice how affected he actually was about this whole thing.

Fortunately, everyone’s attention shifted to JJ as she continued with the game:

“Emily, your turn: Morgan, Hotch and YN.”

“Pff, easy, I’d marry YN, kill Hotch and fuck Morgan.”

“I’m flattered.” Morgan chuckled with absolute false modesty, then sipped his beer, only to notice he was out of alcohol.

Once again, Morgan was responsible for serving the group another round. They were probably drinking a lot and at a fast rate, though it didn’t matter. The six of them deserved to unwind a bit after pulling all of those all-nighters and postponing their personal lives in order to work.

“Your turn, YN.” Emily announced after opening a new bottle and passing it to her. “I’ll make it easy: Reid, Morgan and JJ”

“Fuck JJ, marry Reid and kill Morgan.”

YN answered with such ease that it almost looked like she had thought about it before.

For the first time in the entire night, the girl felt like she was actually tipsy. Her intense craving for pepperoni pizza gave it away. She stood up and stretched her legs.

“You guys want to order a pizza? I’m starving.”

No answer. The entire team was staring at her as if she had a third eye in her forehead.

“What? I know we ate dinner already but that was like four hours ago and I really could use some cheesy pizza right now.”

Spencer couldn’t take his eyes off from YN. He had not expected her to say that she would marry him. Morgan’s jaw was nearly touching the floor with the news that apparently YN was immune to his charms. The other three gals exchanged glances before bursting into laughter.

“What?”

“You would kill me?” Morgan exclaimed astonished. “You’d rather fuck JJ than me?”

“Hey, I’m very fuckable, thank you very much.” JJ answered with pretend-anger that was cut off by her own laughter. “I mean, look at this.”

The blonde stood up and twirled a few times before the dizziness beat her down to sit again, this time at the sofa behind her. 

YN went on to the kitchen looking for the magnet at the fridge that contained the number of the closest pizzeria. She grabbed the phone and began dialing the number, not caring much about Morgan’s rant on how she chose other people above him.

Morgan was a nice friend, a great Agent and profiler, yet YN did not consider him to be boyfriend material whatsoever. Sure, he was totally hot, though she had been with many guys with similar builds to Derek’s. It wasn’t anything new or interesting. But a girl…she had never been with one.

“Fine, but you’d rather marry Reid than me?”

Spencer turned to face the other man furrowing his brows at him. He was a bit hurt that Morgan sounded so perplexed by YN’s choice. She had made some not-so-obvious decisions and he was just as shocked as the rest about them. The problem was that Morgan couldn’t take the fact that someone preferred the nerdy guy over the athletic one.

“Why is it so hard to believe?” YN raised an eyebrow, the phone beeping between her head and shoulder as she waited for the pizzeria to respond. “Spencer is sweet, nice, smart, and responsible, loves to read and watch movies, he listens, like actually listens, not half-ass listens like some people. He has the softest hair I’d ever touched, always smells like a mixture of coffee with aftershave, his hands are like really big, and his eyes…man. Let’s not forget about that cute nose shrug he does whenever he’s bothered, and the dimples in his cheeks when he smiles, which now that I think about it, it doesn’t happen as often as it should. He’s kind, and has a huge heart. Spencer would do anything for anyone in this room without hesitation. He patiently answers to my questions and puts up with my annoying ass whenever we are working cases late at night or early in the morning. He’s respectful, and sweet, and I already said that, haven’t I? The fact is that Spencer Reid could get on his knee right now and I’d marry him without thinking twice.”

“Ma’am?” An unknown voice interrupted her monologue.

“Oh, shoot, yes. Hi, can I get two large pepperoni pizzas? The address maybe is already in your system under Emily Prentiss’s name.”

“Yes ma’am, we got it. It’s a total of 32 dollars. Thank you for choosing Frenetti’s.”

“Sure, thanks.”

YN hung the phone and sat down on the floor again. Once more, she felt her teammate’s burning stares. “What?”

“What do you mean ‘what’?” Penelope squealed. “You just rambled about how you’d marry our boy genius right here and now.”

The girl’s lips parted as soon as she made sense of what she had said. The alcohol had done its trick making her feel like everything she expressed out loud was only thoughts in her head. 

Oh no, no, no.

YN never intended on saying all those things. She felt her otherwise brown skin turning red as the embarrassment overtook her entire body. For her, drinking made her boldness vanish instead of enhancing it like it happened with the majority. YN wanted to melt into the ground to never be seen again. The word vomit she just spitted out was way overboard.

“I- I think I drank a bit more than I should’ve” She stood up when the urge to leave kicked in. In no way, shape or form, she was able to meet Spencer’s gaze. “I’ll be right back.”

The young woman disappeared into the hallway that led towards the bathroom. The door slamming confirmed that she locked herself in.

“Well…” JJ sang laying down and placing her weight over her elbows so she could still see Spencer’s face. “What are you going to do about that?”

“About what?”

“You’re pretty stupid.” Emily scoffed, shaking her head in denial. Her unfiltered drunk alter-ego made its appearance. “Did you hear anything of what YN said?”

“I did.”

“Then?” Penelope inquired with jumpy eyes.

“She probably said that because she wanted to shut up Morgan.” He answered as if it was a no-brainer. “I don’t think…”

“You don’t think what, man? Don’t pity yourself. You just heard the girl:  _ you could get on one knee and she’d marry you without thinking twice. _ ”

Was it possible that none of them were joking? That YN meant what she said?

To be fair they were all pretty drunk, saying dumb stuff and acting strange, out of character, so it made sense if YN’s words were product of the high levels of alcohol in her system. He’d never know if he didn’t dare to ask.

The rest of the night went on with all of them behaving absent-mindedly about the situation. When the pizza arrived, their attention went on the food.

Never had Spencer been more grateful about how over drinking made his friends forget stuff fast.

…

Spencer spent most of his weekend thinking about YN’s words. Each one of them resonated in his ears over and over again.

After working with her for nearly four years, he had developed a certain affection towards YN. She was carefree, strong, liberal spirit; this led to her often making bold, spontaneous decisions at the field, which Spencer absolutely hated. At first he thought it was due to his fear of putting the operations at risk, until one day he realized it was more because he was afraid of YN putting herself at risk.

The week after that night, every member of the BAU acted as if nothing weird had occurred. Most likely none of them remembered a thing after three glasses of the wine that was served at dinner and four beers into the game. Spencer did remember. He was always a bit behind them with their drinking, thus he didn’t get into ‘blackout’ mode like the rest did.

It was eating him inside to think that he would never probably know if YN really meant it. He tried to remember her micro-expressions, her body language, and every detail of her behavior while she rambled about him in order to come to a conclusion. If she was telling the truth that meant Spencer could actually try to ask her out without his inherent fear of rejection. The problem was that at the time of YN’s speech, he was so stunned he didn’t pay close attention.

YN made her way into the bullpen’s kitchen to help herself with a cup of coffee. Spencer watched her all the way from his desk. She opened the fridge’s door and scowled before slamming the metal piece shut. He knew what that was about. YN liked milk with her coffee, yet her hands were empty after browsing the fridge.

Spencer went in her direction, opened the top cabinets and handed her a carton of unopened milk.

“Thanks.”

“Sure.” He responded with the tiniest of grins. “I saw Anderson placing it there earlier so…”

“Thank God for that.”

YN mirrored his actions and smiled back at him. She then got busy adding the milk to her mug.

Spencer couldn’t help but to stare, his mind wondered yet again about the  _ ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’ _ choices YN made.

“YN.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you- do you remember that night at Prentiss’s when we play ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’?”

He had no idea of where that bravery came from, now there was no turning back.

“Sure.” She took a sip of her coffee and focused on the guy’s expectant hazel eyes. “I mean, most of it. The highlights. Why?”

“Do you remember what Emily asked you?”

“I do.”

“Do you remember what you answered?”

YN raised her brow and tilted her head to the side, fighting the smirk that threatened to take over her visage. She already had a faint idea of where the conversation was going.

“Aha, so?”

“Do you remember what you said after when Morgan asked for an explanation?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you said that only to shut him up, right?” Spencer insisted, trying to keep a low volume to avoid other people listening to their conversation. “You didn’t mean it. Right?”

Spencer’s words sounded as if he wanted her to say that she didn’t mean it, yet his bright eyes indicated the opposite. 

This time YN was not able to suppress the smirk on her face, and on top of that, a chuckle escaped her mouth as well. 

Oh Spencer, sweet, sweet, naïve, dumb, stupid, Spencer.

YN placed both her hands around her mug and began to walk to her desk. She stopped herself and turned momentarily to face him one more time: “only drunks and children tell the truth.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I have other Criminal Minds, Spencer related stuff on my profile if you'd like to check it out!  
> Thanks for reading:)


End file.
